I am an itchy seed.
The dreaming time has ended. Breathing deep the smell of blooming citrus trees and freesia bulbs, spring is upon us in So Cal. Grasses, impossibly verdant, sprout from breaks in concrete parking lots and medians. I am reaching through the dark, loamy soil for something to reach back for me. I have been holding space for others but spent the winter months learning to hold space for myself. As the ground slowly wakes up, I stretch my tendrils and sense the pockets of space that I created around my own heart and body.
Why do we pour our care into others hoping to see it reflected back to ourselves? See what I did there? I asked you to answer the question I am too anxious to ask myself. The honest answer is that in staring down whether I am lacking to someone else, I listened to whether I was enough for myself. The time taken to listen for an answer feels like the water seeping deep into parched ground. Slow, but imperative.
This winter, I have become acquainted with another effect of climate change; Atmospheric Rivers. How will we address this transformation? Will we take the steps to stave off the avoidable? Are we listening as the snowpacks grow and the reservoirs fill? Or does our hubris tell us we averted disaster?
In the dreaming time, my mind clears the things that do not serve like extra bits of code that clog the CPU. The metaphorical dirt that sticks to my slipperless feet and distracts me in the morning as I make my much-needed AM coffee. All these little bits need to be wiped away so that what remains is only what’s necessary to motivate. So that information can travel without the impediment of useless debris. Physically, I’ve been working with practitioners to break down deep, deep scar tissue in my body. It’s painful and also deeply frustrating. But every micro movement gained has been a coup over my own pride. Transformation is to rupture, repair, then reach, and flourish.
A seed has all the material needed for a new plant. I am itchy because I am transforming. Yet, I am already that plant. It’s within me now. But I am also just beginning to become what I am about to be. I itch because I am wrestling with patience. I can feel the vibrations along the ley lines and I can see in the cards what’s around the corner. The travelers and the alchemists will tell you we are all in the midst of a powerful transformation. I couldn’t agree more. It's stirring in my bones. Stasis will not suffice. Nor will resignation.